I dont know how much of this blog will actually be about Ecuador. Im in a reflective mood,and I wanted to share.
Actually, to be perfectly honest, this is totally inspired by my friend Patrick. (Thanks Patrick!) I just read his blog about his visit back to El Salvador where we studied together at la Casa de Solidaridad during the spring of our junior years. Yesterday was the 20 year anniversary of the assassination of the six Jesuits and their two friends at the UCA in El Salvador. Tonight, all of the Rostro volunteers are sharing a spirituality night to remember them, and last night as second year volunteers we honored them in prayer. This past week in El Salvador, Casa alumns got together for a conference to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the program, and also to remember the Jesuits on this anniversary. And I believe that this weekend thousands will be gathering in Georgia for the SOA vigil . . . something that I have had the privilege to do twice during my time at BC.
Anyway, this time of the year tends to get me thinking . . . more specifically, thinking about where I come from, where I have been, and where I am now. Of course, I am not just reflecting on the wheres of my life - it is the who I was with that stands out. In my life as a volunteer, trying to live in Ecuador, I am frequently asking myself, "Amy, how the heck did you get here?" It is a really blessed journey that I get to look back on.
Of course there is my family - even though they dont always understand what the heck I am doing or talking about, they have given me so much in this crazy life I am living. My friends from high school, who also saw me through Middle and Elementary school. The people I grew up with and who know where I come from.
Then I get to BC . . . the Hardy 2nd girls - first friends in college and amazing roommates through the years. Rubenstein D65: my sanity through senior year - honestly I dont think I need to say more about you ladies. My communities through the Appalachia volunteers: Grundy, Rural Retreat, and New Orleans. My community that carried me through Belize sophomore year, who taught me about trust and love --- those who continue to carry me even today. The Campus School staff, students, volunteers - all friends. You have all taught me so much about patience, hard work, dedication, and how to really laugh. With all of you I have also learned about loss, and through that lesson, seen such strength. My senior year Arrupe communities - the group I brought to Ecuador, and the group of fellow leaders who taught me how to lead with grace.
Dare I even begin with El Salvador and Casa? I dont know if I could do justice to the lessons I learned there in a blog. I dont want to cheapen that experience or those relationships with my less than poetic musings. El Salvador broke my heart open, and you all helped me put the pieces back together. When my world collapsed around me, you helped me sort through the rubble and find myself again. You still to this day are willing to do that for me.
And then my Rostro community and neighbors in Duran. All of you showed me who God is. You taught me how to give myself away so I could be a whole person. Because of all of you I know how to love without fear and you give me the strength to do so.
All of you know my heart in different ways. You are all a part of who I am and the reason that I am here. You are amazing blessings in my life. Some of you I get to see every day; I talk to some of you on a decently regular basis; and I havent seen or spoken to many of you in a really long time. We are spread all over the world, doing a million different things, but we have a piece of each other wherever we are. I miss so many of you, and as happy as I am here, I often wish that we werent so far apart. Goodbyes will always be hard, but I am reminded of what my father told me at my high school graduation - I was a wreck thinking about all of the goodbyes that were coming at the start of college, and he said to me, "Amy, this is called growing up." I think life is a series of¨"hellos", "goodbyes", and the frequent "see you laters." I honestly get overwhelmed thinking about how many breathtaking people have come into my life. And its even more astounding to think that every time someone passes through, someone new and equally amazing is entering.
So this entry is for all of you. I dont know how many of you read this, but I at least want to put this out into the universe. Thank you. I dont say it enough. Thank you for everything that you have given me. Thank you for the ways that you have touched my life, for the memories you have left with me, and for the love that you continue to show me. I could not be here without you.
May God shine in your lives.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Some Thoughts on Faith
Today, I want to write about faith. Up until now, in the past year of more or less regular posts, I have talked about work, my feelings, social realities, and cultural challenges. All of that is only part of what I am doing here – or maybe better said in a Rostro context - that is only a part of who I am here.
I have always shyed away from this topic. If I am going to write about God, and assume that a few people will read about my thoughts, I want them to be profound. Or at least moderately organized and well written. I want to present to the world poetry, metaphors that bring clarity --- I want everyone to know how head over heels I am for Jesus and create movments in your hearts too. Well, I am no poet. I tend to write in a more stream of consciousness style, which does not tend to lead to anything close to profound. My vocabulary has diminished considerably since graduation, and worse still since learning Spanish. My gifts are not that of the written word. But, if there is one thing that I know, it is that God takes me as I am. He didnt give me those gifts, and so why should I hold back the love I have wishing that I did? So this is an ameteur´s attempt at what I dare to call spiritual writing.
One of the most important books for me here in Ecuador is Oswald Chambers´ My Utmost for His Highest. It is a daily devotional brought into my life by Colie and Danny last year. I try to read and reflect on his thoughts each day. Sometimes Tracy and I read them before we go to bed, other times we share his writings during community prayer, or if I manage to get myself out of bed in a timely fashion, my favorite way to ponder over the Oz is over a cup of coffee in the morning before work. I managed to get up a few minutes early this morning and was able to enjoy his thought for today. Lately he has been talking about missionaries. Now, please dont think I have abandoned all of my previous self – I still have a lot of trouble with the label missionary. There is a whole history there of conquests and violence and a whole slew of people who, in my opinon, werent really relaying any kind of message that Christ would have placed his stamp of approval. None the less (please bear with me) I have been praying lately that God give me the heart of a missionary. What does that mean? True missionaries leave everything behind to go to a place where they are called to experience the love of God. Often they are reassigned and move wherever they are told to go. They live lives of detachment, picking up and moving, loving whoever falls into their path without looking back over what they have left behind, and not anticipating where they will go next. Granted, I feel like I have very little to bring to the table here in Ecuador. My Spanish is still pretty broken (you should hear me try to communicate in the office), I have no professional skills, and am an expert in nothing. I would never dare to say that I am bringing anything here, especially anything involving the Gospel or enlightenment. I think I have been very clear before in my perception that I receive more, learn more, am gifted more far than I am able to gift back. I am not here to bring anything other than myself. But I still really like this missionary lifestyle – in theory that is. Letting go, moving on, focusing on the present have never been my strengths (I am Type A to the core of me). And I am finding it especially hard right now.
Anyway, back to Chambers. This morning he posed this reflection that actually made me gasp in profound realization. He said that in every moment of our life, in every struggle, in every breath, only one question matters. Jesus asks us in every aspect of our lives, “Do you really believe that I can do this?” Whoa. Now, Chambers is talking about missionaries here, trying to make us understand that the outside results dont mean anything, rather that the interanl relationship we share with Jesus is central to any kind of work we do. But holy cow! In the last two months, I have witnessed some situations that have affected me deeply. A few weeks ago I found myself a huge ball of emotion and despair being surrounded by so much suffering. But imagine what happens when I change my lens, when I change my perspective. “Do you believe that I can do this?” Jesus, in this place, in my work, is asking me this question. And honestly, who am I to say no? I mean, ridiculous right?
But, as much as I say that yes, I believe that He can do this, whatever the “this” is in the moment, I find myself acting as if I am saying no. Let me explain. Everytime I let myself get anxious, I am saying no. Every time I try to control a situation that is uncontrollable, I say no. Every time I spend more time complaining or judging than I do finding the positive, I tell Jesus that no, I don´t believe Him. Worst of them all, whenever I try and find my solution, assert myself, without going to prayer, without searching to understand God´s will, I am saying no. It´s all a question of trust. Oftentimes I find myself uttering a prayer of complete surrender to God, something like “God, I have nothing left. You need to do this now.” So far, He has taken care of me. But still I doubt Him in my actions. And now that I know this, now that I see how stubborn I am being, the task is to change – to allow myself to be transformed.
I hope that you feel blessed today. I pray that wherever you are, you find the peace of God. I hope you are choosing love and feeling love all around you.
I have always shyed away from this topic. If I am going to write about God, and assume that a few people will read about my thoughts, I want them to be profound. Or at least moderately organized and well written. I want to present to the world poetry, metaphors that bring clarity --- I want everyone to know how head over heels I am for Jesus and create movments in your hearts too. Well, I am no poet. I tend to write in a more stream of consciousness style, which does not tend to lead to anything close to profound. My vocabulary has diminished considerably since graduation, and worse still since learning Spanish. My gifts are not that of the written word. But, if there is one thing that I know, it is that God takes me as I am. He didnt give me those gifts, and so why should I hold back the love I have wishing that I did? So this is an ameteur´s attempt at what I dare to call spiritual writing.
One of the most important books for me here in Ecuador is Oswald Chambers´ My Utmost for His Highest. It is a daily devotional brought into my life by Colie and Danny last year. I try to read and reflect on his thoughts each day. Sometimes Tracy and I read them before we go to bed, other times we share his writings during community prayer, or if I manage to get myself out of bed in a timely fashion, my favorite way to ponder over the Oz is over a cup of coffee in the morning before work. I managed to get up a few minutes early this morning and was able to enjoy his thought for today. Lately he has been talking about missionaries. Now, please dont think I have abandoned all of my previous self – I still have a lot of trouble with the label missionary. There is a whole history there of conquests and violence and a whole slew of people who, in my opinon, werent really relaying any kind of message that Christ would have placed his stamp of approval. None the less (please bear with me) I have been praying lately that God give me the heart of a missionary. What does that mean? True missionaries leave everything behind to go to a place where they are called to experience the love of God. Often they are reassigned and move wherever they are told to go. They live lives of detachment, picking up and moving, loving whoever falls into their path without looking back over what they have left behind, and not anticipating where they will go next. Granted, I feel like I have very little to bring to the table here in Ecuador. My Spanish is still pretty broken (you should hear me try to communicate in the office), I have no professional skills, and am an expert in nothing. I would never dare to say that I am bringing anything here, especially anything involving the Gospel or enlightenment. I think I have been very clear before in my perception that I receive more, learn more, am gifted more far than I am able to gift back. I am not here to bring anything other than myself. But I still really like this missionary lifestyle – in theory that is. Letting go, moving on, focusing on the present have never been my strengths (I am Type A to the core of me). And I am finding it especially hard right now.
Anyway, back to Chambers. This morning he posed this reflection that actually made me gasp in profound realization. He said that in every moment of our life, in every struggle, in every breath, only one question matters. Jesus asks us in every aspect of our lives, “Do you really believe that I can do this?” Whoa. Now, Chambers is talking about missionaries here, trying to make us understand that the outside results dont mean anything, rather that the interanl relationship we share with Jesus is central to any kind of work we do. But holy cow! In the last two months, I have witnessed some situations that have affected me deeply. A few weeks ago I found myself a huge ball of emotion and despair being surrounded by so much suffering. But imagine what happens when I change my lens, when I change my perspective. “Do you believe that I can do this?” Jesus, in this place, in my work, is asking me this question. And honestly, who am I to say no? I mean, ridiculous right?
But, as much as I say that yes, I believe that He can do this, whatever the “this” is in the moment, I find myself acting as if I am saying no. Let me explain. Everytime I let myself get anxious, I am saying no. Every time I try to control a situation that is uncontrollable, I say no. Every time I spend more time complaining or judging than I do finding the positive, I tell Jesus that no, I don´t believe Him. Worst of them all, whenever I try and find my solution, assert myself, without going to prayer, without searching to understand God´s will, I am saying no. It´s all a question of trust. Oftentimes I find myself uttering a prayer of complete surrender to God, something like “God, I have nothing left. You need to do this now.” So far, He has taken care of me. But still I doubt Him in my actions. And now that I know this, now that I see how stubborn I am being, the task is to change – to allow myself to be transformed.
I hope that you feel blessed today. I pray that wherever you are, you find the peace of God. I hope you are choosing love and feeling love all around you.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I´m back
Year number two. Here I am, a Rostro volunteer again - back in Ecuador.
I am living in a new place, I have a new job, a new community, a new outlook on what a volunteer year is, but in so many ways many many things are the same.
- s l o w i n t e r n e t . . . I definitely took advantage of wi-fi and instant internet connection while I was at home. Not so easy to find that in Ecuador. In fact, at any moment I may lose this blog and these oh so profound thoughts of mine will never be posted. :)
- the smell. That is the first thing you recognize when you get off the plane in Guayaquil. It is a mix of fresh fruit, delicious food, exhaust, burning trash, and hard workers. It doesnt allow you to pretend you are somewhere else.
- spanish. I feel so much more confident than I did last year, but I have quickly realized that my spanish is not so appropriate for a professional office setting. I am so much more at ease speaking to children, particulary street kids, then the professionals I answer to at work. I often find myself quiet in situations where I would have a lot to say (typical Amy) but I have no idea how to express what I want. I know that will come. Everyday conversation gives me a lot of joy still . . . something to work on.
- food. Fresh fruits and vegetables. Cheap. Mega Big Cola, the official Ecuadorian soda. Delicious chicken and bean dishes. Ecuadorian cheese. More rice on your plate than you should eat over the course of three days.
- calling attention to myself. Right, even after a year I am still not Ecuadorian and whenever I am in a new place someone reminds me of it. Often it makes conversation easier though. I am automatically more interesting being a gringa here.
- soccer rivalries. Ecuador has many of its own teams that play each other every weekend, and I am still expected to pledge my allegiance to one of them. Unfortunately, none of this really holds my attention so I just watch and laugh while people argue about it.
- sweating . . . a lot. It makes you appreciate cold showers.
- God. I came back to Ecuador for Him. I am back in Ecuador, in Guayaquil looking for his face in the people around me. I am constantly reminded here, whether it is by my communitymates, a conversation with a new friend, or my general situation of life here, that I need Him --- that the only way my life will mean something is if it is through Him, following his way. I still find myself working to understand what that means, I am still working to release control of my life, but this is the best place for me to learn.
All in all I am well. Work is starting slowly as the group of youth with Hogar de Cristo slowly forms. Oh right, Hogar de Cristo is a non profit located in Ecuador and in Chile. In Ecuador, the foundation works primarily with women and their families living in extreme poverty. They offer options for affordable housing, microcredits for banks of women to start their own small businesses, they have a new shelter in Guayaquil for women leaving abusive situations, and they also help to organize Christian Base Communities in the neighborhoods on the Perimetral. We spent the first week or so learning about all of their projects (and building a cane house --- 4 hours baby, new record!). The foundation blows us all away. They build 40 houses a week, have 1,400 women receiving loans for their businesses, and 140 young people singed up for their youth program. Right now, they are offering classes for all of the kids on self esteem and self worth. Soon we will be teaching them about microfinancing and starting a business (all of which I have to learn first) and then in Novemeber they will complete their business plan and we will mentor them through the process. Pretty sweet, right? And let me tell you - these kids are so inspiring. Their desire to succeed and their committment to bettering their lives leaves me in awe.
So that is work. Today we were finally able to go to mass in the community where we will be living after our house is built. (Right now we are living in a small house that Hogar is letting us use on the same compound as other volunteers from Spain and Chile. It is super fun, although kind of a hikd to get where we want to be). We will be living in the community of Monte Sinai. The parish there is run by Fr. Colm. He is from Ireland and he is awesome. The parish there is so vibrant and joyful and committed to their work as Christians and their mission to live in community serving each other. Tracy and I both admitted to get a bit emotional at mass. I think it was a combination of factors: watching people worship with such passion, feeling so welcomed into a new community, and feeling so blessed to be in this place - physically, emotionally, spiritually, to really see everything good that God has put in our lives. I cannot wait to spend more time out there. Looks like we will be teaching a lot of CCD - bring on the kids.
So, that is most of what is going on. It is a new beginning for all of us, and still a major transition. The Ecuador that I came to know and love last year is changing, although the hard stuff about living in Ecuador stays just about the same. When stuff gets hard here I want to just run as fast as I can back to Arbolito to be with the people who I love and who I know love me. It is a challenge to be in the same country but also so far away. The blessing is that communication is a million times easier now and I know the day will come when I get to visit. Until then, I am constantly reminded of how much I have here in Guayquil living in community with Tracy, Carolyn, and Danny.
Thanks for sticking with me - through the long blog and the months of poor communication. Below is my mailing address (same as last year) and my phone number. If you feel inclined to send us letters, give us a call, or send us a text - well, now you can!
Amy Piepiora o Megan Radek
Rostro de Cristo
Casilla 09-01-1024
Guayaquil, Ecuador, South America
to call or text from the states: 011-593-8-112-1726
I pray that you are all well and that wherever you find yourselves there is peace.
I am living in a new place, I have a new job, a new community, a new outlook on what a volunteer year is, but in so many ways many many things are the same.
- s l o w i n t e r n e t . . . I definitely took advantage of wi-fi and instant internet connection while I was at home. Not so easy to find that in Ecuador. In fact, at any moment I may lose this blog and these oh so profound thoughts of mine will never be posted. :)
- the smell. That is the first thing you recognize when you get off the plane in Guayaquil. It is a mix of fresh fruit, delicious food, exhaust, burning trash, and hard workers. It doesnt allow you to pretend you are somewhere else.
- spanish. I feel so much more confident than I did last year, but I have quickly realized that my spanish is not so appropriate for a professional office setting. I am so much more at ease speaking to children, particulary street kids, then the professionals I answer to at work. I often find myself quiet in situations where I would have a lot to say (typical Amy) but I have no idea how to express what I want. I know that will come. Everyday conversation gives me a lot of joy still . . . something to work on.
- food. Fresh fruits and vegetables. Cheap. Mega Big Cola, the official Ecuadorian soda. Delicious chicken and bean dishes. Ecuadorian cheese. More rice on your plate than you should eat over the course of three days.
- calling attention to myself. Right, even after a year I am still not Ecuadorian and whenever I am in a new place someone reminds me of it. Often it makes conversation easier though. I am automatically more interesting being a gringa here.
- soccer rivalries. Ecuador has many of its own teams that play each other every weekend, and I am still expected to pledge my allegiance to one of them. Unfortunately, none of this really holds my attention so I just watch and laugh while people argue about it.
- sweating . . . a lot. It makes you appreciate cold showers.
- God. I came back to Ecuador for Him. I am back in Ecuador, in Guayaquil looking for his face in the people around me. I am constantly reminded here, whether it is by my communitymates, a conversation with a new friend, or my general situation of life here, that I need Him --- that the only way my life will mean something is if it is through Him, following his way. I still find myself working to understand what that means, I am still working to release control of my life, but this is the best place for me to learn.
All in all I am well. Work is starting slowly as the group of youth with Hogar de Cristo slowly forms. Oh right, Hogar de Cristo is a non profit located in Ecuador and in Chile. In Ecuador, the foundation works primarily with women and their families living in extreme poverty. They offer options for affordable housing, microcredits for banks of women to start their own small businesses, they have a new shelter in Guayaquil for women leaving abusive situations, and they also help to organize Christian Base Communities in the neighborhoods on the Perimetral. We spent the first week or so learning about all of their projects (and building a cane house --- 4 hours baby, new record!). The foundation blows us all away. They build 40 houses a week, have 1,400 women receiving loans for their businesses, and 140 young people singed up for their youth program. Right now, they are offering classes for all of the kids on self esteem and self worth. Soon we will be teaching them about microfinancing and starting a business (all of which I have to learn first) and then in Novemeber they will complete their business plan and we will mentor them through the process. Pretty sweet, right? And let me tell you - these kids are so inspiring. Their desire to succeed and their committment to bettering their lives leaves me in awe.
So that is work. Today we were finally able to go to mass in the community where we will be living after our house is built. (Right now we are living in a small house that Hogar is letting us use on the same compound as other volunteers from Spain and Chile. It is super fun, although kind of a hikd to get where we want to be). We will be living in the community of Monte Sinai. The parish there is run by Fr. Colm. He is from Ireland and he is awesome. The parish there is so vibrant and joyful and committed to their work as Christians and their mission to live in community serving each other. Tracy and I both admitted to get a bit emotional at mass. I think it was a combination of factors: watching people worship with such passion, feeling so welcomed into a new community, and feeling so blessed to be in this place - physically, emotionally, spiritually, to really see everything good that God has put in our lives. I cannot wait to spend more time out there. Looks like we will be teaching a lot of CCD - bring on the kids.
So, that is most of what is going on. It is a new beginning for all of us, and still a major transition. The Ecuador that I came to know and love last year is changing, although the hard stuff about living in Ecuador stays just about the same. When stuff gets hard here I want to just run as fast as I can back to Arbolito to be with the people who I love and who I know love me. It is a challenge to be in the same country but also so far away. The blessing is that communication is a million times easier now and I know the day will come when I get to visit. Until then, I am constantly reminded of how much I have here in Guayquil living in community with Tracy, Carolyn, and Danny.
Thanks for sticking with me - through the long blog and the months of poor communication. Below is my mailing address (same as last year) and my phone number. If you feel inclined to send us letters, give us a call, or send us a text - well, now you can!
Amy Piepiora o Megan Radek
Rostro de Cristo
Casilla 09-01-1024
Guayaquil, Ecuador, South America
to call or text from the states: 011-593-8-112-1726
I pray that you are all well and that wherever you find yourselves there is peace.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Right, its May
I feel like I start all of these blogs the same way . . . with an apology about the timing, blah blah blah, comments about how so much has happened, yadda yadda yadda, and how I dont know where to begin. Rather than a walk through of what I have done in the last few months, Im going to jump right into what Im doing now, how I am, and what my next step will be, because yes, I have figured that out!
- What I am doing: I am working, visiting neighbors, hanging out with retreat groups, and praying a lot. I find myself busy most of the time, but its a good busy. Its not the busy from college where I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, barely holding on to any ounce of sanity. This kind of busy feels healthy, balanced, and full. My time was taken up in college - but here my time feels full in the sense that I am able to be where I am without feeling like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I am where I am and that is good enough.
Stuff at Chicos has changed a lot. Danny and I are now in charge of our own group of house visits which means that the two of us head out with the kids to meet their families and assess their cases. So far, all of the new students who have come in have fallen in our case load and so we are voices in deciding whether or not they are right for our project. At first it was intimidating, but now we are both more comfortable in our role. What is that role? I see myself as an advocate for these boys and their families. Anyway, its a really great way to get to know the new students, and some of our old buddies, better and on a different level. Once you have been to their house, there is a level of trust there in knowing better who they are. Im still trying to teach English, which is hilarious to watch. My class has grown to around 17 boys . . . and we will just say that English is not my priority. I do my best to make stuff applicable and fun, and I find that making fun of myself keeps them engaged. They keep me humble and make me laugh at myself. Pretty healthy actually.
Semillas is going well. All of the disicpline problems we all struggled with in the past have resolved themselves. Over school vacation we were having 80 kids every day. Craziest thing ever. Now that our kids are back in school, our numbers have fallen a lot. For awhile we were having around 15 kids . . . which is not enough. BUT, the great part was that we got to have personal one on one time with them - an impossible thing with 80 kids. Now, we are doing more neighborhood outreach, trying to get a new population into our program. It seems to be working. We are slowly climbing and have around 30 kids now. Its comfortable. I love where I work.
How I am doing: Loaded question --- great that I asked it to myself. The quick answer is, I am great. Really great. I feel right here. I still struggle to figure out how to live my life in Spanish, as so much about this language still trips me up, but I just feel right at my jobs and at neightbors houses. Living in community with the other volunteers in Arbolito feels like home. I am finding balance here, finally understanding what everyone meant the last four years when they were telling me about ´´self-care.´´ There is time for work, time to hang out with neighbors, time to spend in prayer, and time to be in my community. I still am surrounded by poverty, and I realize my own as I feel my own powerlessness to do anything about it, but I feel a joy in living life that I never felt in Boston. I dont wake up every day to fight through the next 24 hours. I feel like Im actually living a life based in peace. Funny little paradox that I never expected to reach.
The future: YES, I have a plan!!! Well, my plan is very much tied up in Rostro . . . so I will talk about that first. Rostro is expanding. Next year, there will be three volunteer houses: the two in Duran and a new house in the south of Guayaquil. We have found a new neighborhood that is looking to have volunteers. The other great thing is that we will be partnering with Hogar de Cristo (look them up, they are a sweet non profit that operates all throughout South America). It is a wonderful move for our program and we are all super excited to see how we grow from it.
Because this is a new community and completely uncharted territory for Rostro, the opportunity was presented to us to stay another year in Ecuador and help start up the new house and new neighborhood relationships. After a ton of prayer and conversation, I have decided to stay. After all of the discernment, I felt that God was calling me to be in this place next year. I have been asked in this year to let go of a lot of things in my life, some just for the year ( you know, money, having friends and family near me, lots of luxuries), but other things I have had to let go of forever. I came into this year with an idea of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life. In these past 10 months I have started listening to God, and it turns out that I am called to be someone different. Im learning how to love differently, Im learning how to be humble, obedient, and prayerful. I am tired of living as the star of my own life, I am not meant to be at the center of things. Like I said though, I am learning all of these things - there is still more to go. I feel like God has something else here for me - there is more for me in Guayaquil in this next year, so, Im staying. Im trusting this gut feeling that I have and Im going to try it out.
Luckily, I do have plans for the fall of 2010 as well. BC has taken me back for a Masters of Teachers Education (yup, Im going to be a teacher!!) and they have agreed to defer me so I can complete another year here. I think it is such a blessing to have the next two steps set in my life. I literally have nothing to worry about.
I cant believe I only have 2 months left in Arbolito. Neighbors have already started talking about us leaving and we (the volunteers) are thinking of and praying for the 12 new volunteers who are getting ready to come down. Time has flown and I am hoping to cherish the next 2 months, fitting in as much time with the people around me that I can.
So, thats it. Nothing more. Ha - thats a lie - there is always more. I hope you are all well. Please take care . . . and for anyone in the Boston area I will be back for a month on August 8th, so call me up! :)
- What I am doing: I am working, visiting neighbors, hanging out with retreat groups, and praying a lot. I find myself busy most of the time, but its a good busy. Its not the busy from college where I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, barely holding on to any ounce of sanity. This kind of busy feels healthy, balanced, and full. My time was taken up in college - but here my time feels full in the sense that I am able to be where I am without feeling like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I am where I am and that is good enough.
Stuff at Chicos has changed a lot. Danny and I are now in charge of our own group of house visits which means that the two of us head out with the kids to meet their families and assess their cases. So far, all of the new students who have come in have fallen in our case load and so we are voices in deciding whether or not they are right for our project. At first it was intimidating, but now we are both more comfortable in our role. What is that role? I see myself as an advocate for these boys and their families. Anyway, its a really great way to get to know the new students, and some of our old buddies, better and on a different level. Once you have been to their house, there is a level of trust there in knowing better who they are. Im still trying to teach English, which is hilarious to watch. My class has grown to around 17 boys . . . and we will just say that English is not my priority. I do my best to make stuff applicable and fun, and I find that making fun of myself keeps them engaged. They keep me humble and make me laugh at myself. Pretty healthy actually.
Semillas is going well. All of the disicpline problems we all struggled with in the past have resolved themselves. Over school vacation we were having 80 kids every day. Craziest thing ever. Now that our kids are back in school, our numbers have fallen a lot. For awhile we were having around 15 kids . . . which is not enough. BUT, the great part was that we got to have personal one on one time with them - an impossible thing with 80 kids. Now, we are doing more neighborhood outreach, trying to get a new population into our program. It seems to be working. We are slowly climbing and have around 30 kids now. Its comfortable. I love where I work.
How I am doing: Loaded question --- great that I asked it to myself. The quick answer is, I am great. Really great. I feel right here. I still struggle to figure out how to live my life in Spanish, as so much about this language still trips me up, but I just feel right at my jobs and at neightbors houses. Living in community with the other volunteers in Arbolito feels like home. I am finding balance here, finally understanding what everyone meant the last four years when they were telling me about ´´self-care.´´ There is time for work, time to hang out with neighbors, time to spend in prayer, and time to be in my community. I still am surrounded by poverty, and I realize my own as I feel my own powerlessness to do anything about it, but I feel a joy in living life that I never felt in Boston. I dont wake up every day to fight through the next 24 hours. I feel like Im actually living a life based in peace. Funny little paradox that I never expected to reach.
The future: YES, I have a plan!!! Well, my plan is very much tied up in Rostro . . . so I will talk about that first. Rostro is expanding. Next year, there will be three volunteer houses: the two in Duran and a new house in the south of Guayaquil. We have found a new neighborhood that is looking to have volunteers. The other great thing is that we will be partnering with Hogar de Cristo (look them up, they are a sweet non profit that operates all throughout South America). It is a wonderful move for our program and we are all super excited to see how we grow from it.
Because this is a new community and completely uncharted territory for Rostro, the opportunity was presented to us to stay another year in Ecuador and help start up the new house and new neighborhood relationships. After a ton of prayer and conversation, I have decided to stay. After all of the discernment, I felt that God was calling me to be in this place next year. I have been asked in this year to let go of a lot of things in my life, some just for the year ( you know, money, having friends and family near me, lots of luxuries), but other things I have had to let go of forever. I came into this year with an idea of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life. In these past 10 months I have started listening to God, and it turns out that I am called to be someone different. Im learning how to love differently, Im learning how to be humble, obedient, and prayerful. I am tired of living as the star of my own life, I am not meant to be at the center of things. Like I said though, I am learning all of these things - there is still more to go. I feel like God has something else here for me - there is more for me in Guayaquil in this next year, so, Im staying. Im trusting this gut feeling that I have and Im going to try it out.
Luckily, I do have plans for the fall of 2010 as well. BC has taken me back for a Masters of Teachers Education (yup, Im going to be a teacher!!) and they have agreed to defer me so I can complete another year here. I think it is such a blessing to have the next two steps set in my life. I literally have nothing to worry about.
I cant believe I only have 2 months left in Arbolito. Neighbors have already started talking about us leaving and we (the volunteers) are thinking of and praying for the 12 new volunteers who are getting ready to come down. Time has flown and I am hoping to cherish the next 2 months, fitting in as much time with the people around me that I can.
So, thats it. Nothing more. Ha - thats a lie - there is always more. I hope you are all well. Please take care . . . and for anyone in the Boston area I will be back for a month on August 8th, so call me up! :)
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