Right, its May

I feel like I start all of these blogs the same way . . . with an apology about the timing, blah blah blah, comments about how so much has happened, yadda yadda yadda, and how I dont know where to begin. Rather than a walk through of what I have done in the last few months, Im going to jump right into what Im doing now, how I am, and what my next step will be, because yes, I have figured that out!

- What I am doing: I am working, visiting neighbors, hanging out with retreat groups, and praying a lot. I find myself busy most of the time, but its a good busy. Its not the busy from college where I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, barely holding on to any ounce of sanity. This kind of busy feels healthy, balanced, and full. My time was taken up in college - but here my time feels full in the sense that I am able to be where I am without feeling like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I am where I am and that is good enough.

Stuff at Chicos has changed a lot. Danny and I are now in charge of our own group of house visits which means that the two of us head out with the kids to meet their families and assess their cases. So far, all of the new students who have come in have fallen in our case load and so we are voices in deciding whether or not they are right for our project. At first it was intimidating, but now we are both more comfortable in our role. What is that role? I see myself as an advocate for these boys and their families. Anyway, its a really great way to get to know the new students, and some of our old buddies, better and on a different level. Once you have been to their house, there is a level of trust there in knowing better who they are. Im still trying to teach English, which is hilarious to watch. My class has grown to around 17 boys . . . and we will just say that English is not my priority. I do my best to make stuff applicable and fun, and I find that making fun of myself keeps them engaged. They keep me humble and make me laugh at myself. Pretty healthy actually.

Semillas is going well. All of the disicpline problems we all struggled with in the past have resolved themselves. Over school vacation we were having 80 kids every day. Craziest thing ever. Now that our kids are back in school, our numbers have fallen a lot. For awhile we were having around 15 kids . . . which is not enough. BUT, the great part was that we got to have personal one on one time with them - an impossible thing with 80 kids. Now, we are doing more neighborhood outreach, trying to get a new population into our program. It seems to be working. We are slowly climbing and have around 30 kids now. Its comfortable. I love where I work.

How I am doing: Loaded question --- great that I asked it to myself. The quick answer is, I am great. Really great. I feel right here. I still struggle to figure out how to live my life in Spanish, as so much about this language still trips me up, but I just feel right at my jobs and at neightbors houses. Living in community with the other volunteers in Arbolito feels like home. I am finding balance here, finally understanding what everyone meant the last four years when they were telling me about ´´self-care.´´ There is time for work, time to hang out with neighbors, time to spend in prayer, and time to be in my community. I still am surrounded by poverty, and I realize my own as I feel my own powerlessness to do anything about it, but I feel a joy in living life that I never felt in Boston. I dont wake up every day to fight through the next 24 hours. I feel like Im actually living a life based in peace. Funny little paradox that I never expected to reach.

The future: YES, I have a plan!!! Well, my plan is very much tied up in Rostro . . . so I will talk about that first. Rostro is expanding. Next year, there will be three volunteer houses: the two in Duran and a new house in the south of Guayaquil. We have found a new neighborhood that is looking to have volunteers. The other great thing is that we will be partnering with Hogar de Cristo (look them up, they are a sweet non profit that operates all throughout South America). It is a wonderful move for our program and we are all super excited to see how we grow from it.

Because this is a new community and completely uncharted territory for Rostro, the opportunity was presented to us to stay another year in Ecuador and help start up the new house and new neighborhood relationships. After a ton of prayer and conversation, I have decided to stay. After all of the discernment, I felt that God was calling me to be in this place next year. I have been asked in this year to let go of a lot of things in my life, some just for the year ( you know, money, having friends and family near me, lots of luxuries), but other things I have had to let go of forever. I came into this year with an idea of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life. In these past 10 months I have started listening to God, and it turns out that I am called to be someone different. Im learning how to love differently, Im learning how to be humble, obedient, and prayerful. I am tired of living as the star of my own life, I am not meant to be at the center of things. Like I said though, I am learning all of these things - there is still more to go. I feel like God has something else here for me - there is more for me in Guayaquil in this next year, so, Im staying. Im trusting this gut feeling that I have and Im going to try it out.

Luckily, I do have plans for the fall of 2010 as well. BC has taken me back for a Masters of Teachers Education (yup, Im going to be a teacher!!) and they have agreed to defer me so I can complete another year here. I think it is such a blessing to have the next two steps set in my life. I literally have nothing to worry about.

I cant believe I only have 2 months left in Arbolito. Neighbors have already started talking about us leaving and we (the volunteers) are thinking of and praying for the 12 new volunteers who are getting ready to come down. Time has flown and I am hoping to cherish the next 2 months, fitting in as much time with the people around me that I can.

So, thats it. Nothing more. Ha - thats a lie - there is always more. I hope you are all well. Please take care . . . and for anyone in the Boston area I will be back for a month on August 8th, so call me up! :)