Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

Right - so it has been forever and a day since I have written anything up here, and I havent been as good as I would like at the emailing either. Please accept my apologies for this, and also accept this (probably long) blog post as a long delayed update.

Where to even begin? So much has happened and so much is going on. Okay, lets start with the obvious - it´s Christmas. Right, to be completely honest, it doesnt feel the same as it usually does. First of all, its about a million degrees here so instead of pulling out the festive scarves and hats that usually mark this time of year, we are all trying our darndest to stay cool. But, we are managing to get ourselves into the Christmas spirit none the less. We have an awesome Christmas tree, some great Christmas mixes, and a few classic Christmas movies. Also, the other night we all got together to make a dozen or so batches of Christmas cookies that we will be giving out tomorrow when we go caroling around our neighborhoods. I think the neighbors will all get a kick out of it. So, we are making this time special for ourselves. On Monday night we are having a big RdC party with all of the people who work with us to celebrate with them - it should be a blast! Food, games, singing and dancing I´m sure. For Christmas Eve Megan, our director, has invited a few of the boys from the shelter I work at over for a dinner. Some of the boys have no family to go home to over the holidays so we´re trying to make Christmas something fun for them too. I´m going to do my best to help cook a big dinner . . . I´ll let you know how that goes. And then on Tuesday we´re throwing a big Christmas party for our kids at Semillas. Again, more food (we´re making a birthday cake for baby Jesus) singing, dancing, and of course a good competitive game of soccer. It will be a great way to end the year with them as we head for vacation right after Christmas.

Although I am far away from family and friends right now which makes my heart ache just a bit, I must say it is nice to be away from all of the ridiculousness that surrounds Christmas in the states. We have decided as volunteers to not exchange presents this year amongst each other in an attempt to be closer in solidarity with our neighbors. Christmas is different here; on the one hand it is a time of joy and hope as we all remember how much God is present in our lives, but on the other hand this time of the year brings about so much stress. Families in our neighborhood cannot afford presents and some families even go into debt just to provide a special Christmas meal for their family. So, parents are stressed and frustrated, and tend to take this out on their kids. So lately, our kids at Semillas in particular have been more and more violent toward each other. Their lives at home are hard - they know what they can and cannot have and that is a tough thing for them to swallow. Presents are important to kids everywhere and it breaks my heart that these kids wont really get a whole lot if anything. So, our job has been to talk about Christmas in a different way. We´ve been talking a lot about Jesus and God to help them see what Christmas is really about. It´s reminded me too what this time of year means and it has been refreshing to remember.

In a few weeks we will be celebrating our five month anniversary of arriving in Ecuador. In some moments it feels just about right - I feel like Ive been doing this work and living this life here for that long. Other days though, I feel like I just got here --- Im pretty sure Ive said this before, but there is so much more to learn, STILL! I mean, first of all, the Spanish language still mangages to puzzle all of us, although I must say we have all improved tremendously. And there are still pieces of my life here that I am just beginning to understand. One of the biggest realizations Ive had here recently is the significance of me being a woman doing the work Im doing. Right, I feel like this is silly for me to write, especially to all of you who knew me in my past college life --- but it took me three months to really see how me being a woman made my work different. I find myself limited in a lot of ways - particularly as I work to gain the respect of the men and boys I work with. I have to be stronger than I would like, I have to be more intentional than ever with the attention I pay and the words I use, I have to fight for respect. But it doesnt always work out - I dont always get treated the way I would like or frankly the way I deserve. Sometimes the disrespect is subtle - a look, a comment that could be interpreted in a few different ways. And sometimes it is more blatant - a hug that just lasts for too long, pet names that are inappropriate for the workplace let alone to give a grown woman, cat calling in the street, plain old disregard. Ive had a few incidents here when I have been so utterly talked down to or degraded that I didnt even know what to do with myself. Its infuriating and hurtful even when you know that the guy Im talking to is a complete scum bag anyway. And the hardest thing for me to manuever is how I should react. I know what I would do in the states, but here I know that I would not be heard if I stood up for myself in the same way. That doesnt mean that I dont stand up for myself - but I hate that I cant or dont go with my gut and say everything that I want to. Its more than just self-control --- its sort of a survival technique and a cultural restraint. Im still deciding how best to handle myself in these situations and I will unfortunately have plenty of time and opportunities to fine tune my strategies. But, asi es la vida in Ecuador.

But the news isnt all so somber (right, you all must know how I get intense like this). I have recently been more involved in the women´s group in the neighborhood and sitting with that small group of neighbors working to do something to better this community is inspiring to say the least. It is with these women that I get my fix of strong women who hold their own and then some. We have started a few big projects that have some great promise to them. Im excited to see what we can accomplish.

Okay world, this is where I leave you. Thank you to all of our friends and families who have been sending mail and packages --- we are all doing a good job taking care of each other but it would be a lie to say that we dont miss you all. Keep the emails and letters coming. Monday is our mail day here and it is the best day of the week by far (I dont know if I will ever ´look forward to Mondays so much). I hope that you are finding love close to you this holiday season and that the new year finds you healthy, happy, and peaceful.