As usual, I have broken my promise. Things have been so crazy here lately, that finding time to sit down and write a blog has seemed impossible. Let me see if I can catch you up.
Well, the Christmas season has come and gone (read below my belated Christmas reflection . . . whoops) and it was full of blessings. Christmas Eve was packed: a full RdC morning of reflection, three masses in Mount Sinai in the afternoon and evening, a late dinner with some of the street kids from the shelter I used to work at in Duran, and very little sleep leading into Christmas. While kids are ushered into bed with promises / threats of Santas arrival in the homes of only the sleeping children, families are up practically all night here. Anyway, I spent Christmas morning at mass in Arbolito and most of the day with Carolyn at Franciscas house with her family. In the afternoon, I met up with all of the volunteers and we sang Christmas carols at Damien House, a hospital and clinic for patients with Hansens Disease (formerly known as leprosy). Many of the patients there are elderly and have no family. I always love going there, and to have been able to spend some of my Christmas with them again this year was fantastic. That night we had an Italian feast with Sr. Annie (the founder of Damien House and great friend of Rostro) and Pat and Sonya (the founders of Nuevo Mundo and also great friends of ours). There, we ate until we couldnt eat anymore, and sang our favorite Christmas carols. It was a packed Christmas, but it left no time for homesickness.
I spent my vacation time between Christmas and New Years in Arbolito. The past few months have been difficult for me (another part of the reason for lack of blogging) and I just needed some quiet time with friends and family. I needed to feel like I was home, and considering Massachusetts was not an option, Arbolito was perfect. I ate good food, caught up with old friends, and got to spend some great time with the Duran volunteers. I laughed a lot, recharged my batteries, and I think got back in touch with my mission here. Finally.
Since then, the rains have come to Guayaquil. The heat is out of control, and all of the dust that we have been learning to deal with has changed to mud. So, although now I feel overally more comfortable breathing, I have to be really careful where I step. The other day in the neighborhood, to avoid being hit by a bus, I stepped on the side of the road onto a patch of ground that looked to be dried mud, but quickly realized it in fact was not dry. Things to laugh about at least.
The Boston College retreat group has come and gone. Sharing time with them while they were here was such an uplifting experience. We were able to bring them to Monte Sinai and meet one of our beloved neighbors, Monica. They were the first group we have brought to our new home, and the first time Monica has ever had 18 gringos in her house. The visit was surreal, beautiful, and joyful for the retreants, for Monica, and for me as I was able to see anew what Rostro actually is. I think that I take for granted the gift it is to spend time in this place, with these specific people - it is a normal part of my day and my life. But being able to watch this group of visitors engage with my friend, come to know a part of her life, laugh with her, and become a part of her story now too, I was overcome with so much emotion, gratitude, and grace. Watching people love each other fills you with love too. Its infectious.
And, Elyse is back! I mean, just for a visit (even though we never want her to leave) but having her in our house, learning more about what we are doing this year, listening to her share her faith, and just being in her presence pumped a new life source into my being. I am so sad to see her go, but she has left behind an energy that was so needed.
And then there was the birthday. Simple, in line with my life down here. Just a dinner,(cook out!!!), movie, and cake with my community, Megan, Elyse, and two of her godkids who I got to know really well last year. I was just happy all day though. I realized how special it is that I get to celebrate another birthday here in Ecuador . . . and how lucky I have been to spend so many birthdays in so many different parts of the world. Belize, El Salvador, Boston, Ecuador . . . I have been a lot of places in my life with some truly amazing people - I have so much to be thankful for. I have had such a full 24 years of life!
I think thats it in a nut shell. Keep the prayers coming . . . especially for a new house. We still have not moved into the neighborhood - we are living in some temporary housing that is about a half hour outside of Monte Sinai. Its not the easiest thing living so far away, but hopefully we will live in our new home soon. Thanks for reading --- take care of yourselves.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A belated Christmas Reflection
So, I actually wrote this blog a few weeks before Christmas, but I still think that they are good thoughts that I wanted to share with you.
It´s almost Christmas. I honestly cannot believe it. This will be my third Christmas away from home, my second in Ecuador. I am still not used to the heat around this time of year. It strikes me how much climate affects my understanding of time. Our joke in community is that our time in Ecuador is perpetually August. Listening to Christmas carols, particularly Bing Crosbys White Christmas, I am overcome with nostalgia for what marks Christmas at home. Cold, hats, scarves, gloves, Christmas lights, familiar Christmas carols . . . although talk to me next year and see how I feel about all of that – it may be one of those things that I miss a lot because I cant have it, and once I get it back Im sure I will miss the warmth of Guayaquil.
We are doing our best to get ourselves in the Christmas spirit. A few weekends ago we went to the Bahia – the huge outdoor marketplace in the center of Guayaquil – and bought some Christmas lights, a small Christmas tree complete with blinking light-up star, and a Nativity set made out of rubber that would also serve as an awesomely Christian bath toy set. It is hilarious.
Although I am missing home quite a bit lately, there is something about Christmas here that I do love. In Ecuador, Christmas is actually about Jesus. Its about getting ready to receive God – there is a focus on repentence, forgiveness, humility, and family. I think that sometimes we lack that focus in the states, or so that I am not speaking for anyone but myself, to be honest, there have been Christmases in the past when I have forgotten what the heck it is that I was supposed to be celebrating. Yeah, Santa is pretty sweet, and man Nanny and Grandpas Italian Christmas feast is to die for, but it is afterall supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ.
In our Rostro community, and with the Ecuadorian community in Monte Sinai, we have been reflecting during this Advent season about what this time of year means for us. I have been especially struck by what it means that God put Gods self on this earth. Even more astounding to me is the form that God took. Everyone was looking around, crying out, expecting, wanting, needing even a king. But Jesus came to us as a baby – the most innocent, dependent, small way He could have come to us. So, what does that mean for me? Why is that even important? I know God does big things for us, but I think that it is easy to neglect the small packages that He comes in too. If God showed us who God is in a baby, imagine all of the other places God actually is. It makes me look harder for Him, appreciate Him better, it makes me want to be a better steward of His creation because He is literally in all of it.
Things in the new neighborhood have been wonderful. I am still teaching catequism. The kids are finally coming out of their shells, which also means some behavior issues, but all of you who know me know that I love the trouble makers. We have been having a lot of fun, and it is a true gift to spend time with them every week. Slowly but surely I have been getting to know the families we were introduced to in the first weeks. My heart feels right when I am spending time with them. I think it is safe to say that we are enjoying each others company.
Of course this year is not without struggle, but I will save that for another blog. I am constantly praying for grace, either to accept what is given to me and cannot control, but also for grace when I stand up and speak out, that I may always act in a way that demonstrates love.
Okay – stay warm up there in the states. It looks like the rains are coming here, so we are getting ready for the heat. I am thinking and praying for you all. Peace.
It´s almost Christmas. I honestly cannot believe it. This will be my third Christmas away from home, my second in Ecuador. I am still not used to the heat around this time of year. It strikes me how much climate affects my understanding of time. Our joke in community is that our time in Ecuador is perpetually August. Listening to Christmas carols, particularly Bing Crosbys White Christmas, I am overcome with nostalgia for what marks Christmas at home. Cold, hats, scarves, gloves, Christmas lights, familiar Christmas carols . . . although talk to me next year and see how I feel about all of that – it may be one of those things that I miss a lot because I cant have it, and once I get it back Im sure I will miss the warmth of Guayaquil.
We are doing our best to get ourselves in the Christmas spirit. A few weekends ago we went to the Bahia – the huge outdoor marketplace in the center of Guayaquil – and bought some Christmas lights, a small Christmas tree complete with blinking light-up star, and a Nativity set made out of rubber that would also serve as an awesomely Christian bath toy set. It is hilarious.
Although I am missing home quite a bit lately, there is something about Christmas here that I do love. In Ecuador, Christmas is actually about Jesus. Its about getting ready to receive God – there is a focus on repentence, forgiveness, humility, and family. I think that sometimes we lack that focus in the states, or so that I am not speaking for anyone but myself, to be honest, there have been Christmases in the past when I have forgotten what the heck it is that I was supposed to be celebrating. Yeah, Santa is pretty sweet, and man Nanny and Grandpas Italian Christmas feast is to die for, but it is afterall supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ.
In our Rostro community, and with the Ecuadorian community in Monte Sinai, we have been reflecting during this Advent season about what this time of year means for us. I have been especially struck by what it means that God put Gods self on this earth. Even more astounding to me is the form that God took. Everyone was looking around, crying out, expecting, wanting, needing even a king. But Jesus came to us as a baby – the most innocent, dependent, small way He could have come to us. So, what does that mean for me? Why is that even important? I know God does big things for us, but I think that it is easy to neglect the small packages that He comes in too. If God showed us who God is in a baby, imagine all of the other places God actually is. It makes me look harder for Him, appreciate Him better, it makes me want to be a better steward of His creation because He is literally in all of it.
Things in the new neighborhood have been wonderful. I am still teaching catequism. The kids are finally coming out of their shells, which also means some behavior issues, but all of you who know me know that I love the trouble makers. We have been having a lot of fun, and it is a true gift to spend time with them every week. Slowly but surely I have been getting to know the families we were introduced to in the first weeks. My heart feels right when I am spending time with them. I think it is safe to say that we are enjoying each others company.
Of course this year is not without struggle, but I will save that for another blog. I am constantly praying for grace, either to accept what is given to me and cannot control, but also for grace when I stand up and speak out, that I may always act in a way that demonstrates love.
Okay – stay warm up there in the states. It looks like the rains are coming here, so we are getting ready for the heat. I am thinking and praying for you all. Peace.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Looking back
I dont know how much of this blog will actually be about Ecuador. Im in a reflective mood,and I wanted to share.
Actually, to be perfectly honest, this is totally inspired by my friend Patrick. (Thanks Patrick!) I just read his blog about his visit back to El Salvador where we studied together at la Casa de Solidaridad during the spring of our junior years. Yesterday was the 20 year anniversary of the assassination of the six Jesuits and their two friends at the UCA in El Salvador. Tonight, all of the Rostro volunteers are sharing a spirituality night to remember them, and last night as second year volunteers we honored them in prayer. This past week in El Salvador, Casa alumns got together for a conference to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the program, and also to remember the Jesuits on this anniversary. And I believe that this weekend thousands will be gathering in Georgia for the SOA vigil . . . something that I have had the privilege to do twice during my time at BC.
Anyway, this time of the year tends to get me thinking . . . more specifically, thinking about where I come from, where I have been, and where I am now. Of course, I am not just reflecting on the wheres of my life - it is the who I was with that stands out. In my life as a volunteer, trying to live in Ecuador, I am frequently asking myself, "Amy, how the heck did you get here?" It is a really blessed journey that I get to look back on.
Of course there is my family - even though they dont always understand what the heck I am doing or talking about, they have given me so much in this crazy life I am living. My friends from high school, who also saw me through Middle and Elementary school. The people I grew up with and who know where I come from.
Then I get to BC . . . the Hardy 2nd girls - first friends in college and amazing roommates through the years. Rubenstein D65: my sanity through senior year - honestly I dont think I need to say more about you ladies. My communities through the Appalachia volunteers: Grundy, Rural Retreat, and New Orleans. My community that carried me through Belize sophomore year, who taught me about trust and love --- those who continue to carry me even today. The Campus School staff, students, volunteers - all friends. You have all taught me so much about patience, hard work, dedication, and how to really laugh. With all of you I have also learned about loss, and through that lesson, seen such strength. My senior year Arrupe communities - the group I brought to Ecuador, and the group of fellow leaders who taught me how to lead with grace.
Dare I even begin with El Salvador and Casa? I dont know if I could do justice to the lessons I learned there in a blog. I dont want to cheapen that experience or those relationships with my less than poetic musings. El Salvador broke my heart open, and you all helped me put the pieces back together. When my world collapsed around me, you helped me sort through the rubble and find myself again. You still to this day are willing to do that for me.
And then my Rostro community and neighbors in Duran. All of you showed me who God is. You taught me how to give myself away so I could be a whole person. Because of all of you I know how to love without fear and you give me the strength to do so.
All of you know my heart in different ways. You are all a part of who I am and the reason that I am here. You are amazing blessings in my life. Some of you I get to see every day; I talk to some of you on a decently regular basis; and I havent seen or spoken to many of you in a really long time. We are spread all over the world, doing a million different things, but we have a piece of each other wherever we are. I miss so many of you, and as happy as I am here, I often wish that we werent so far apart. Goodbyes will always be hard, but I am reminded of what my father told me at my high school graduation - I was a wreck thinking about all of the goodbyes that were coming at the start of college, and he said to me, "Amy, this is called growing up." I think life is a series of¨"hellos", "goodbyes", and the frequent "see you laters." I honestly get overwhelmed thinking about how many breathtaking people have come into my life. And its even more astounding to think that every time someone passes through, someone new and equally amazing is entering.
So this entry is for all of you. I dont know how many of you read this, but I at least want to put this out into the universe. Thank you. I dont say it enough. Thank you for everything that you have given me. Thank you for the ways that you have touched my life, for the memories you have left with me, and for the love that you continue to show me. I could not be here without you.
May God shine in your lives.
Actually, to be perfectly honest, this is totally inspired by my friend Patrick. (Thanks Patrick!) I just read his blog about his visit back to El Salvador where we studied together at la Casa de Solidaridad during the spring of our junior years. Yesterday was the 20 year anniversary of the assassination of the six Jesuits and their two friends at the UCA in El Salvador. Tonight, all of the Rostro volunteers are sharing a spirituality night to remember them, and last night as second year volunteers we honored them in prayer. This past week in El Salvador, Casa alumns got together for a conference to celebrate the 10 year anniversary of the program, and also to remember the Jesuits on this anniversary. And I believe that this weekend thousands will be gathering in Georgia for the SOA vigil . . . something that I have had the privilege to do twice during my time at BC.
Anyway, this time of the year tends to get me thinking . . . more specifically, thinking about where I come from, where I have been, and where I am now. Of course, I am not just reflecting on the wheres of my life - it is the who I was with that stands out. In my life as a volunteer, trying to live in Ecuador, I am frequently asking myself, "Amy, how the heck did you get here?" It is a really blessed journey that I get to look back on.
Of course there is my family - even though they dont always understand what the heck I am doing or talking about, they have given me so much in this crazy life I am living. My friends from high school, who also saw me through Middle and Elementary school. The people I grew up with and who know where I come from.
Then I get to BC . . . the Hardy 2nd girls - first friends in college and amazing roommates through the years. Rubenstein D65: my sanity through senior year - honestly I dont think I need to say more about you ladies. My communities through the Appalachia volunteers: Grundy, Rural Retreat, and New Orleans. My community that carried me through Belize sophomore year, who taught me about trust and love --- those who continue to carry me even today. The Campus School staff, students, volunteers - all friends. You have all taught me so much about patience, hard work, dedication, and how to really laugh. With all of you I have also learned about loss, and through that lesson, seen such strength. My senior year Arrupe communities - the group I brought to Ecuador, and the group of fellow leaders who taught me how to lead with grace.
Dare I even begin with El Salvador and Casa? I dont know if I could do justice to the lessons I learned there in a blog. I dont want to cheapen that experience or those relationships with my less than poetic musings. El Salvador broke my heart open, and you all helped me put the pieces back together. When my world collapsed around me, you helped me sort through the rubble and find myself again. You still to this day are willing to do that for me.
And then my Rostro community and neighbors in Duran. All of you showed me who God is. You taught me how to give myself away so I could be a whole person. Because of all of you I know how to love without fear and you give me the strength to do so.
All of you know my heart in different ways. You are all a part of who I am and the reason that I am here. You are amazing blessings in my life. Some of you I get to see every day; I talk to some of you on a decently regular basis; and I havent seen or spoken to many of you in a really long time. We are spread all over the world, doing a million different things, but we have a piece of each other wherever we are. I miss so many of you, and as happy as I am here, I often wish that we werent so far apart. Goodbyes will always be hard, but I am reminded of what my father told me at my high school graduation - I was a wreck thinking about all of the goodbyes that were coming at the start of college, and he said to me, "Amy, this is called growing up." I think life is a series of¨"hellos", "goodbyes", and the frequent "see you laters." I honestly get overwhelmed thinking about how many breathtaking people have come into my life. And its even more astounding to think that every time someone passes through, someone new and equally amazing is entering.
So this entry is for all of you. I dont know how many of you read this, but I at least want to put this out into the universe. Thank you. I dont say it enough. Thank you for everything that you have given me. Thank you for the ways that you have touched my life, for the memories you have left with me, and for the love that you continue to show me. I could not be here without you.
May God shine in your lives.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Some Thoughts on Faith
Today, I want to write about faith. Up until now, in the past year of more or less regular posts, I have talked about work, my feelings, social realities, and cultural challenges. All of that is only part of what I am doing here – or maybe better said in a Rostro context - that is only a part of who I am here.
I have always shyed away from this topic. If I am going to write about God, and assume that a few people will read about my thoughts, I want them to be profound. Or at least moderately organized and well written. I want to present to the world poetry, metaphors that bring clarity --- I want everyone to know how head over heels I am for Jesus and create movments in your hearts too. Well, I am no poet. I tend to write in a more stream of consciousness style, which does not tend to lead to anything close to profound. My vocabulary has diminished considerably since graduation, and worse still since learning Spanish. My gifts are not that of the written word. But, if there is one thing that I know, it is that God takes me as I am. He didnt give me those gifts, and so why should I hold back the love I have wishing that I did? So this is an ameteur´s attempt at what I dare to call spiritual writing.
One of the most important books for me here in Ecuador is Oswald Chambers´ My Utmost for His Highest. It is a daily devotional brought into my life by Colie and Danny last year. I try to read and reflect on his thoughts each day. Sometimes Tracy and I read them before we go to bed, other times we share his writings during community prayer, or if I manage to get myself out of bed in a timely fashion, my favorite way to ponder over the Oz is over a cup of coffee in the morning before work. I managed to get up a few minutes early this morning and was able to enjoy his thought for today. Lately he has been talking about missionaries. Now, please dont think I have abandoned all of my previous self – I still have a lot of trouble with the label missionary. There is a whole history there of conquests and violence and a whole slew of people who, in my opinon, werent really relaying any kind of message that Christ would have placed his stamp of approval. None the less (please bear with me) I have been praying lately that God give me the heart of a missionary. What does that mean? True missionaries leave everything behind to go to a place where they are called to experience the love of God. Often they are reassigned and move wherever they are told to go. They live lives of detachment, picking up and moving, loving whoever falls into their path without looking back over what they have left behind, and not anticipating where they will go next. Granted, I feel like I have very little to bring to the table here in Ecuador. My Spanish is still pretty broken (you should hear me try to communicate in the office), I have no professional skills, and am an expert in nothing. I would never dare to say that I am bringing anything here, especially anything involving the Gospel or enlightenment. I think I have been very clear before in my perception that I receive more, learn more, am gifted more far than I am able to gift back. I am not here to bring anything other than myself. But I still really like this missionary lifestyle – in theory that is. Letting go, moving on, focusing on the present have never been my strengths (I am Type A to the core of me). And I am finding it especially hard right now.
Anyway, back to Chambers. This morning he posed this reflection that actually made me gasp in profound realization. He said that in every moment of our life, in every struggle, in every breath, only one question matters. Jesus asks us in every aspect of our lives, “Do you really believe that I can do this?” Whoa. Now, Chambers is talking about missionaries here, trying to make us understand that the outside results dont mean anything, rather that the interanl relationship we share with Jesus is central to any kind of work we do. But holy cow! In the last two months, I have witnessed some situations that have affected me deeply. A few weeks ago I found myself a huge ball of emotion and despair being surrounded by so much suffering. But imagine what happens when I change my lens, when I change my perspective. “Do you believe that I can do this?” Jesus, in this place, in my work, is asking me this question. And honestly, who am I to say no? I mean, ridiculous right?
But, as much as I say that yes, I believe that He can do this, whatever the “this” is in the moment, I find myself acting as if I am saying no. Let me explain. Everytime I let myself get anxious, I am saying no. Every time I try to control a situation that is uncontrollable, I say no. Every time I spend more time complaining or judging than I do finding the positive, I tell Jesus that no, I don´t believe Him. Worst of them all, whenever I try and find my solution, assert myself, without going to prayer, without searching to understand God´s will, I am saying no. It´s all a question of trust. Oftentimes I find myself uttering a prayer of complete surrender to God, something like “God, I have nothing left. You need to do this now.” So far, He has taken care of me. But still I doubt Him in my actions. And now that I know this, now that I see how stubborn I am being, the task is to change – to allow myself to be transformed.
I hope that you feel blessed today. I pray that wherever you are, you find the peace of God. I hope you are choosing love and feeling love all around you.
I have always shyed away from this topic. If I am going to write about God, and assume that a few people will read about my thoughts, I want them to be profound. Or at least moderately organized and well written. I want to present to the world poetry, metaphors that bring clarity --- I want everyone to know how head over heels I am for Jesus and create movments in your hearts too. Well, I am no poet. I tend to write in a more stream of consciousness style, which does not tend to lead to anything close to profound. My vocabulary has diminished considerably since graduation, and worse still since learning Spanish. My gifts are not that of the written word. But, if there is one thing that I know, it is that God takes me as I am. He didnt give me those gifts, and so why should I hold back the love I have wishing that I did? So this is an ameteur´s attempt at what I dare to call spiritual writing.
One of the most important books for me here in Ecuador is Oswald Chambers´ My Utmost for His Highest. It is a daily devotional brought into my life by Colie and Danny last year. I try to read and reflect on his thoughts each day. Sometimes Tracy and I read them before we go to bed, other times we share his writings during community prayer, or if I manage to get myself out of bed in a timely fashion, my favorite way to ponder over the Oz is over a cup of coffee in the morning before work. I managed to get up a few minutes early this morning and was able to enjoy his thought for today. Lately he has been talking about missionaries. Now, please dont think I have abandoned all of my previous self – I still have a lot of trouble with the label missionary. There is a whole history there of conquests and violence and a whole slew of people who, in my opinon, werent really relaying any kind of message that Christ would have placed his stamp of approval. None the less (please bear with me) I have been praying lately that God give me the heart of a missionary. What does that mean? True missionaries leave everything behind to go to a place where they are called to experience the love of God. Often they are reassigned and move wherever they are told to go. They live lives of detachment, picking up and moving, loving whoever falls into their path without looking back over what they have left behind, and not anticipating where they will go next. Granted, I feel like I have very little to bring to the table here in Ecuador. My Spanish is still pretty broken (you should hear me try to communicate in the office), I have no professional skills, and am an expert in nothing. I would never dare to say that I am bringing anything here, especially anything involving the Gospel or enlightenment. I think I have been very clear before in my perception that I receive more, learn more, am gifted more far than I am able to gift back. I am not here to bring anything other than myself. But I still really like this missionary lifestyle – in theory that is. Letting go, moving on, focusing on the present have never been my strengths (I am Type A to the core of me). And I am finding it especially hard right now.
Anyway, back to Chambers. This morning he posed this reflection that actually made me gasp in profound realization. He said that in every moment of our life, in every struggle, in every breath, only one question matters. Jesus asks us in every aspect of our lives, “Do you really believe that I can do this?” Whoa. Now, Chambers is talking about missionaries here, trying to make us understand that the outside results dont mean anything, rather that the interanl relationship we share with Jesus is central to any kind of work we do. But holy cow! In the last two months, I have witnessed some situations that have affected me deeply. A few weeks ago I found myself a huge ball of emotion and despair being surrounded by so much suffering. But imagine what happens when I change my lens, when I change my perspective. “Do you believe that I can do this?” Jesus, in this place, in my work, is asking me this question. And honestly, who am I to say no? I mean, ridiculous right?
But, as much as I say that yes, I believe that He can do this, whatever the “this” is in the moment, I find myself acting as if I am saying no. Let me explain. Everytime I let myself get anxious, I am saying no. Every time I try to control a situation that is uncontrollable, I say no. Every time I spend more time complaining or judging than I do finding the positive, I tell Jesus that no, I don´t believe Him. Worst of them all, whenever I try and find my solution, assert myself, without going to prayer, without searching to understand God´s will, I am saying no. It´s all a question of trust. Oftentimes I find myself uttering a prayer of complete surrender to God, something like “God, I have nothing left. You need to do this now.” So far, He has taken care of me. But still I doubt Him in my actions. And now that I know this, now that I see how stubborn I am being, the task is to change – to allow myself to be transformed.
I hope that you feel blessed today. I pray that wherever you are, you find the peace of God. I hope you are choosing love and feeling love all around you.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I´m back
Year number two. Here I am, a Rostro volunteer again - back in Ecuador.
I am living in a new place, I have a new job, a new community, a new outlook on what a volunteer year is, but in so many ways many many things are the same.
- s l o w i n t e r n e t . . . I definitely took advantage of wi-fi and instant internet connection while I was at home. Not so easy to find that in Ecuador. In fact, at any moment I may lose this blog and these oh so profound thoughts of mine will never be posted. :)
- the smell. That is the first thing you recognize when you get off the plane in Guayaquil. It is a mix of fresh fruit, delicious food, exhaust, burning trash, and hard workers. It doesnt allow you to pretend you are somewhere else.
- spanish. I feel so much more confident than I did last year, but I have quickly realized that my spanish is not so appropriate for a professional office setting. I am so much more at ease speaking to children, particulary street kids, then the professionals I answer to at work. I often find myself quiet in situations where I would have a lot to say (typical Amy) but I have no idea how to express what I want. I know that will come. Everyday conversation gives me a lot of joy still . . . something to work on.
- food. Fresh fruits and vegetables. Cheap. Mega Big Cola, the official Ecuadorian soda. Delicious chicken and bean dishes. Ecuadorian cheese. More rice on your plate than you should eat over the course of three days.
- calling attention to myself. Right, even after a year I am still not Ecuadorian and whenever I am in a new place someone reminds me of it. Often it makes conversation easier though. I am automatically more interesting being a gringa here.
- soccer rivalries. Ecuador has many of its own teams that play each other every weekend, and I am still expected to pledge my allegiance to one of them. Unfortunately, none of this really holds my attention so I just watch and laugh while people argue about it.
- sweating . . . a lot. It makes you appreciate cold showers.
- God. I came back to Ecuador for Him. I am back in Ecuador, in Guayaquil looking for his face in the people around me. I am constantly reminded here, whether it is by my communitymates, a conversation with a new friend, or my general situation of life here, that I need Him --- that the only way my life will mean something is if it is through Him, following his way. I still find myself working to understand what that means, I am still working to release control of my life, but this is the best place for me to learn.
All in all I am well. Work is starting slowly as the group of youth with Hogar de Cristo slowly forms. Oh right, Hogar de Cristo is a non profit located in Ecuador and in Chile. In Ecuador, the foundation works primarily with women and their families living in extreme poverty. They offer options for affordable housing, microcredits for banks of women to start their own small businesses, they have a new shelter in Guayaquil for women leaving abusive situations, and they also help to organize Christian Base Communities in the neighborhoods on the Perimetral. We spent the first week or so learning about all of their projects (and building a cane house --- 4 hours baby, new record!). The foundation blows us all away. They build 40 houses a week, have 1,400 women receiving loans for their businesses, and 140 young people singed up for their youth program. Right now, they are offering classes for all of the kids on self esteem and self worth. Soon we will be teaching them about microfinancing and starting a business (all of which I have to learn first) and then in Novemeber they will complete their business plan and we will mentor them through the process. Pretty sweet, right? And let me tell you - these kids are so inspiring. Their desire to succeed and their committment to bettering their lives leaves me in awe.
So that is work. Today we were finally able to go to mass in the community where we will be living after our house is built. (Right now we are living in a small house that Hogar is letting us use on the same compound as other volunteers from Spain and Chile. It is super fun, although kind of a hikd to get where we want to be). We will be living in the community of Monte Sinai. The parish there is run by Fr. Colm. He is from Ireland and he is awesome. The parish there is so vibrant and joyful and committed to their work as Christians and their mission to live in community serving each other. Tracy and I both admitted to get a bit emotional at mass. I think it was a combination of factors: watching people worship with such passion, feeling so welcomed into a new community, and feeling so blessed to be in this place - physically, emotionally, spiritually, to really see everything good that God has put in our lives. I cannot wait to spend more time out there. Looks like we will be teaching a lot of CCD - bring on the kids.
So, that is most of what is going on. It is a new beginning for all of us, and still a major transition. The Ecuador that I came to know and love last year is changing, although the hard stuff about living in Ecuador stays just about the same. When stuff gets hard here I want to just run as fast as I can back to Arbolito to be with the people who I love and who I know love me. It is a challenge to be in the same country but also so far away. The blessing is that communication is a million times easier now and I know the day will come when I get to visit. Until then, I am constantly reminded of how much I have here in Guayquil living in community with Tracy, Carolyn, and Danny.
Thanks for sticking with me - through the long blog and the months of poor communication. Below is my mailing address (same as last year) and my phone number. If you feel inclined to send us letters, give us a call, or send us a text - well, now you can!
Amy Piepiora o Megan Radek
Rostro de Cristo
Casilla 09-01-1024
Guayaquil, Ecuador, South America
to call or text from the states: 011-593-8-112-1726
I pray that you are all well and that wherever you find yourselves there is peace.
I am living in a new place, I have a new job, a new community, a new outlook on what a volunteer year is, but in so many ways many many things are the same.
- s l o w i n t e r n e t . . . I definitely took advantage of wi-fi and instant internet connection while I was at home. Not so easy to find that in Ecuador. In fact, at any moment I may lose this blog and these oh so profound thoughts of mine will never be posted. :)
- the smell. That is the first thing you recognize when you get off the plane in Guayaquil. It is a mix of fresh fruit, delicious food, exhaust, burning trash, and hard workers. It doesnt allow you to pretend you are somewhere else.
- spanish. I feel so much more confident than I did last year, but I have quickly realized that my spanish is not so appropriate for a professional office setting. I am so much more at ease speaking to children, particulary street kids, then the professionals I answer to at work. I often find myself quiet in situations where I would have a lot to say (typical Amy) but I have no idea how to express what I want. I know that will come. Everyday conversation gives me a lot of joy still . . . something to work on.
- food. Fresh fruits and vegetables. Cheap. Mega Big Cola, the official Ecuadorian soda. Delicious chicken and bean dishes. Ecuadorian cheese. More rice on your plate than you should eat over the course of three days.
- calling attention to myself. Right, even after a year I am still not Ecuadorian and whenever I am in a new place someone reminds me of it. Often it makes conversation easier though. I am automatically more interesting being a gringa here.
- soccer rivalries. Ecuador has many of its own teams that play each other every weekend, and I am still expected to pledge my allegiance to one of them. Unfortunately, none of this really holds my attention so I just watch and laugh while people argue about it.
- sweating . . . a lot. It makes you appreciate cold showers.
- God. I came back to Ecuador for Him. I am back in Ecuador, in Guayaquil looking for his face in the people around me. I am constantly reminded here, whether it is by my communitymates, a conversation with a new friend, or my general situation of life here, that I need Him --- that the only way my life will mean something is if it is through Him, following his way. I still find myself working to understand what that means, I am still working to release control of my life, but this is the best place for me to learn.
All in all I am well. Work is starting slowly as the group of youth with Hogar de Cristo slowly forms. Oh right, Hogar de Cristo is a non profit located in Ecuador and in Chile. In Ecuador, the foundation works primarily with women and their families living in extreme poverty. They offer options for affordable housing, microcredits for banks of women to start their own small businesses, they have a new shelter in Guayaquil for women leaving abusive situations, and they also help to organize Christian Base Communities in the neighborhoods on the Perimetral. We spent the first week or so learning about all of their projects (and building a cane house --- 4 hours baby, new record!). The foundation blows us all away. They build 40 houses a week, have 1,400 women receiving loans for their businesses, and 140 young people singed up for their youth program. Right now, they are offering classes for all of the kids on self esteem and self worth. Soon we will be teaching them about microfinancing and starting a business (all of which I have to learn first) and then in Novemeber they will complete their business plan and we will mentor them through the process. Pretty sweet, right? And let me tell you - these kids are so inspiring. Their desire to succeed and their committment to bettering their lives leaves me in awe.
So that is work. Today we were finally able to go to mass in the community where we will be living after our house is built. (Right now we are living in a small house that Hogar is letting us use on the same compound as other volunteers from Spain and Chile. It is super fun, although kind of a hikd to get where we want to be). We will be living in the community of Monte Sinai. The parish there is run by Fr. Colm. He is from Ireland and he is awesome. The parish there is so vibrant and joyful and committed to their work as Christians and their mission to live in community serving each other. Tracy and I both admitted to get a bit emotional at mass. I think it was a combination of factors: watching people worship with such passion, feeling so welcomed into a new community, and feeling so blessed to be in this place - physically, emotionally, spiritually, to really see everything good that God has put in our lives. I cannot wait to spend more time out there. Looks like we will be teaching a lot of CCD - bring on the kids.
So, that is most of what is going on. It is a new beginning for all of us, and still a major transition. The Ecuador that I came to know and love last year is changing, although the hard stuff about living in Ecuador stays just about the same. When stuff gets hard here I want to just run as fast as I can back to Arbolito to be with the people who I love and who I know love me. It is a challenge to be in the same country but also so far away. The blessing is that communication is a million times easier now and I know the day will come when I get to visit. Until then, I am constantly reminded of how much I have here in Guayquil living in community with Tracy, Carolyn, and Danny.
Thanks for sticking with me - through the long blog and the months of poor communication. Below is my mailing address (same as last year) and my phone number. If you feel inclined to send us letters, give us a call, or send us a text - well, now you can!
Amy Piepiora o Megan Radek
Rostro de Cristo
Casilla 09-01-1024
Guayaquil, Ecuador, South America
to call or text from the states: 011-593-8-112-1726
I pray that you are all well and that wherever you find yourselves there is peace.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Right, its May
I feel like I start all of these blogs the same way . . . with an apology about the timing, blah blah blah, comments about how so much has happened, yadda yadda yadda, and how I dont know where to begin. Rather than a walk through of what I have done in the last few months, Im going to jump right into what Im doing now, how I am, and what my next step will be, because yes, I have figured that out!
- What I am doing: I am working, visiting neighbors, hanging out with retreat groups, and praying a lot. I find myself busy most of the time, but its a good busy. Its not the busy from college where I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, barely holding on to any ounce of sanity. This kind of busy feels healthy, balanced, and full. My time was taken up in college - but here my time feels full in the sense that I am able to be where I am without feeling like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I am where I am and that is good enough.
Stuff at Chicos has changed a lot. Danny and I are now in charge of our own group of house visits which means that the two of us head out with the kids to meet their families and assess their cases. So far, all of the new students who have come in have fallen in our case load and so we are voices in deciding whether or not they are right for our project. At first it was intimidating, but now we are both more comfortable in our role. What is that role? I see myself as an advocate for these boys and their families. Anyway, its a really great way to get to know the new students, and some of our old buddies, better and on a different level. Once you have been to their house, there is a level of trust there in knowing better who they are. Im still trying to teach English, which is hilarious to watch. My class has grown to around 17 boys . . . and we will just say that English is not my priority. I do my best to make stuff applicable and fun, and I find that making fun of myself keeps them engaged. They keep me humble and make me laugh at myself. Pretty healthy actually.
Semillas is going well. All of the disicpline problems we all struggled with in the past have resolved themselves. Over school vacation we were having 80 kids every day. Craziest thing ever. Now that our kids are back in school, our numbers have fallen a lot. For awhile we were having around 15 kids . . . which is not enough. BUT, the great part was that we got to have personal one on one time with them - an impossible thing with 80 kids. Now, we are doing more neighborhood outreach, trying to get a new population into our program. It seems to be working. We are slowly climbing and have around 30 kids now. Its comfortable. I love where I work.
How I am doing: Loaded question --- great that I asked it to myself. The quick answer is, I am great. Really great. I feel right here. I still struggle to figure out how to live my life in Spanish, as so much about this language still trips me up, but I just feel right at my jobs and at neightbors houses. Living in community with the other volunteers in Arbolito feels like home. I am finding balance here, finally understanding what everyone meant the last four years when they were telling me about ´´self-care.´´ There is time for work, time to hang out with neighbors, time to spend in prayer, and time to be in my community. I still am surrounded by poverty, and I realize my own as I feel my own powerlessness to do anything about it, but I feel a joy in living life that I never felt in Boston. I dont wake up every day to fight through the next 24 hours. I feel like Im actually living a life based in peace. Funny little paradox that I never expected to reach.
The future: YES, I have a plan!!! Well, my plan is very much tied up in Rostro . . . so I will talk about that first. Rostro is expanding. Next year, there will be three volunteer houses: the two in Duran and a new house in the south of Guayaquil. We have found a new neighborhood that is looking to have volunteers. The other great thing is that we will be partnering with Hogar de Cristo (look them up, they are a sweet non profit that operates all throughout South America). It is a wonderful move for our program and we are all super excited to see how we grow from it.
Because this is a new community and completely uncharted territory for Rostro, the opportunity was presented to us to stay another year in Ecuador and help start up the new house and new neighborhood relationships. After a ton of prayer and conversation, I have decided to stay. After all of the discernment, I felt that God was calling me to be in this place next year. I have been asked in this year to let go of a lot of things in my life, some just for the year ( you know, money, having friends and family near me, lots of luxuries), but other things I have had to let go of forever. I came into this year with an idea of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life. In these past 10 months I have started listening to God, and it turns out that I am called to be someone different. Im learning how to love differently, Im learning how to be humble, obedient, and prayerful. I am tired of living as the star of my own life, I am not meant to be at the center of things. Like I said though, I am learning all of these things - there is still more to go. I feel like God has something else here for me - there is more for me in Guayaquil in this next year, so, Im staying. Im trusting this gut feeling that I have and Im going to try it out.
Luckily, I do have plans for the fall of 2010 as well. BC has taken me back for a Masters of Teachers Education (yup, Im going to be a teacher!!) and they have agreed to defer me so I can complete another year here. I think it is such a blessing to have the next two steps set in my life. I literally have nothing to worry about.
I cant believe I only have 2 months left in Arbolito. Neighbors have already started talking about us leaving and we (the volunteers) are thinking of and praying for the 12 new volunteers who are getting ready to come down. Time has flown and I am hoping to cherish the next 2 months, fitting in as much time with the people around me that I can.
So, thats it. Nothing more. Ha - thats a lie - there is always more. I hope you are all well. Please take care . . . and for anyone in the Boston area I will be back for a month on August 8th, so call me up! :)
- What I am doing: I am working, visiting neighbors, hanging out with retreat groups, and praying a lot. I find myself busy most of the time, but its a good busy. Its not the busy from college where I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, barely holding on to any ounce of sanity. This kind of busy feels healthy, balanced, and full. My time was taken up in college - but here my time feels full in the sense that I am able to be where I am without feeling like I should be somewhere else, doing something else. I am where I am and that is good enough.
Stuff at Chicos has changed a lot. Danny and I are now in charge of our own group of house visits which means that the two of us head out with the kids to meet their families and assess their cases. So far, all of the new students who have come in have fallen in our case load and so we are voices in deciding whether or not they are right for our project. At first it was intimidating, but now we are both more comfortable in our role. What is that role? I see myself as an advocate for these boys and their families. Anyway, its a really great way to get to know the new students, and some of our old buddies, better and on a different level. Once you have been to their house, there is a level of trust there in knowing better who they are. Im still trying to teach English, which is hilarious to watch. My class has grown to around 17 boys . . . and we will just say that English is not my priority. I do my best to make stuff applicable and fun, and I find that making fun of myself keeps them engaged. They keep me humble and make me laugh at myself. Pretty healthy actually.
Semillas is going well. All of the disicpline problems we all struggled with in the past have resolved themselves. Over school vacation we were having 80 kids every day. Craziest thing ever. Now that our kids are back in school, our numbers have fallen a lot. For awhile we were having around 15 kids . . . which is not enough. BUT, the great part was that we got to have personal one on one time with them - an impossible thing with 80 kids. Now, we are doing more neighborhood outreach, trying to get a new population into our program. It seems to be working. We are slowly climbing and have around 30 kids now. Its comfortable. I love where I work.
How I am doing: Loaded question --- great that I asked it to myself. The quick answer is, I am great. Really great. I feel right here. I still struggle to figure out how to live my life in Spanish, as so much about this language still trips me up, but I just feel right at my jobs and at neightbors houses. Living in community with the other volunteers in Arbolito feels like home. I am finding balance here, finally understanding what everyone meant the last four years when they were telling me about ´´self-care.´´ There is time for work, time to hang out with neighbors, time to spend in prayer, and time to be in my community. I still am surrounded by poverty, and I realize my own as I feel my own powerlessness to do anything about it, but I feel a joy in living life that I never felt in Boston. I dont wake up every day to fight through the next 24 hours. I feel like Im actually living a life based in peace. Funny little paradox that I never expected to reach.
The future: YES, I have a plan!!! Well, my plan is very much tied up in Rostro . . . so I will talk about that first. Rostro is expanding. Next year, there will be three volunteer houses: the two in Duran and a new house in the south of Guayaquil. We have found a new neighborhood that is looking to have volunteers. The other great thing is that we will be partnering with Hogar de Cristo (look them up, they are a sweet non profit that operates all throughout South America). It is a wonderful move for our program and we are all super excited to see how we grow from it.
Because this is a new community and completely uncharted territory for Rostro, the opportunity was presented to us to stay another year in Ecuador and help start up the new house and new neighborhood relationships. After a ton of prayer and conversation, I have decided to stay. After all of the discernment, I felt that God was calling me to be in this place next year. I have been asked in this year to let go of a lot of things in my life, some just for the year ( you know, money, having friends and family near me, lots of luxuries), but other things I have had to let go of forever. I came into this year with an idea of who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live my life. In these past 10 months I have started listening to God, and it turns out that I am called to be someone different. Im learning how to love differently, Im learning how to be humble, obedient, and prayerful. I am tired of living as the star of my own life, I am not meant to be at the center of things. Like I said though, I am learning all of these things - there is still more to go. I feel like God has something else here for me - there is more for me in Guayaquil in this next year, so, Im staying. Im trusting this gut feeling that I have and Im going to try it out.
Luckily, I do have plans for the fall of 2010 as well. BC has taken me back for a Masters of Teachers Education (yup, Im going to be a teacher!!) and they have agreed to defer me so I can complete another year here. I think it is such a blessing to have the next two steps set in my life. I literally have nothing to worry about.
I cant believe I only have 2 months left in Arbolito. Neighbors have already started talking about us leaving and we (the volunteers) are thinking of and praying for the 12 new volunteers who are getting ready to come down. Time has flown and I am hoping to cherish the next 2 months, fitting in as much time with the people around me that I can.
So, thats it. Nothing more. Ha - thats a lie - there is always more. I hope you are all well. Please take care . . . and for anyone in the Boston area I will be back for a month on August 8th, so call me up! :)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Right - so it has been forever and a day since I have written anything up here, and I havent been as good as I would like at the emailing either. Please accept my apologies for this, and also accept this (probably long) blog post as a long delayed update.
Where to even begin? So much has happened and so much is going on. Okay, lets start with the obvious - it´s Christmas. Right, to be completely honest, it doesnt feel the same as it usually does. First of all, its about a million degrees here so instead of pulling out the festive scarves and hats that usually mark this time of year, we are all trying our darndest to stay cool. But, we are managing to get ourselves into the Christmas spirit none the less. We have an awesome Christmas tree, some great Christmas mixes, and a few classic Christmas movies. Also, the other night we all got together to make a dozen or so batches of Christmas cookies that we will be giving out tomorrow when we go caroling around our neighborhoods. I think the neighbors will all get a kick out of it. So, we are making this time special for ourselves. On Monday night we are having a big RdC party with all of the people who work with us to celebrate with them - it should be a blast! Food, games, singing and dancing I´m sure. For Christmas Eve Megan, our director, has invited a few of the boys from the shelter I work at over for a dinner. Some of the boys have no family to go home to over the holidays so we´re trying to make Christmas something fun for them too. I´m going to do my best to help cook a big dinner . . . I´ll let you know how that goes. And then on Tuesday we´re throwing a big Christmas party for our kids at Semillas. Again, more food (we´re making a birthday cake for baby Jesus) singing, dancing, and of course a good competitive game of soccer. It will be a great way to end the year with them as we head for vacation right after Christmas.
Although I am far away from family and friends right now which makes my heart ache just a bit, I must say it is nice to be away from all of the ridiculousness that surrounds Christmas in the states. We have decided as volunteers to not exchange presents this year amongst each other in an attempt to be closer in solidarity with our neighbors. Christmas is different here; on the one hand it is a time of joy and hope as we all remember how much God is present in our lives, but on the other hand this time of the year brings about so much stress. Families in our neighborhood cannot afford presents and some families even go into debt just to provide a special Christmas meal for their family. So, parents are stressed and frustrated, and tend to take this out on their kids. So lately, our kids at Semillas in particular have been more and more violent toward each other. Their lives at home are hard - they know what they can and cannot have and that is a tough thing for them to swallow. Presents are important to kids everywhere and it breaks my heart that these kids wont really get a whole lot if anything. So, our job has been to talk about Christmas in a different way. We´ve been talking a lot about Jesus and God to help them see what Christmas is really about. It´s reminded me too what this time of year means and it has been refreshing to remember.
In a few weeks we will be celebrating our five month anniversary of arriving in Ecuador. In some moments it feels just about right - I feel like Ive been doing this work and living this life here for that long. Other days though, I feel like I just got here --- Im pretty sure Ive said this before, but there is so much more to learn, STILL! I mean, first of all, the Spanish language still mangages to puzzle all of us, although I must say we have all improved tremendously. And there are still pieces of my life here that I am just beginning to understand. One of the biggest realizations Ive had here recently is the significance of me being a woman doing the work Im doing. Right, I feel like this is silly for me to write, especially to all of you who knew me in my past college life --- but it took me three months to really see how me being a woman made my work different. I find myself limited in a lot of ways - particularly as I work to gain the respect of the men and boys I work with. I have to be stronger than I would like, I have to be more intentional than ever with the attention I pay and the words I use, I have to fight for respect. But it doesnt always work out - I dont always get treated the way I would like or frankly the way I deserve. Sometimes the disrespect is subtle - a look, a comment that could be interpreted in a few different ways. And sometimes it is more blatant - a hug that just lasts for too long, pet names that are inappropriate for the workplace let alone to give a grown woman, cat calling in the street, plain old disregard. Ive had a few incidents here when I have been so utterly talked down to or degraded that I didnt even know what to do with myself. Its infuriating and hurtful even when you know that the guy Im talking to is a complete scum bag anyway. And the hardest thing for me to manuever is how I should react. I know what I would do in the states, but here I know that I would not be heard if I stood up for myself in the same way. That doesnt mean that I dont stand up for myself - but I hate that I cant or dont go with my gut and say everything that I want to. Its more than just self-control --- its sort of a survival technique and a cultural restraint. Im still deciding how best to handle myself in these situations and I will unfortunately have plenty of time and opportunities to fine tune my strategies. But, asi es la vida in Ecuador.
But the news isnt all so somber (right, you all must know how I get intense like this). I have recently been more involved in the women´s group in the neighborhood and sitting with that small group of neighbors working to do something to better this community is inspiring to say the least. It is with these women that I get my fix of strong women who hold their own and then some. We have started a few big projects that have some great promise to them. Im excited to see what we can accomplish.
Okay world, this is where I leave you. Thank you to all of our friends and families who have been sending mail and packages --- we are all doing a good job taking care of each other but it would be a lie to say that we dont miss you all. Keep the emails and letters coming. Monday is our mail day here and it is the best day of the week by far (I dont know if I will ever ´look forward to Mondays so much). I hope that you are finding love close to you this holiday season and that the new year finds you healthy, happy, and peaceful.
Where to even begin? So much has happened and so much is going on. Okay, lets start with the obvious - it´s Christmas. Right, to be completely honest, it doesnt feel the same as it usually does. First of all, its about a million degrees here so instead of pulling out the festive scarves and hats that usually mark this time of year, we are all trying our darndest to stay cool. But, we are managing to get ourselves into the Christmas spirit none the less. We have an awesome Christmas tree, some great Christmas mixes, and a few classic Christmas movies. Also, the other night we all got together to make a dozen or so batches of Christmas cookies that we will be giving out tomorrow when we go caroling around our neighborhoods. I think the neighbors will all get a kick out of it. So, we are making this time special for ourselves. On Monday night we are having a big RdC party with all of the people who work with us to celebrate with them - it should be a blast! Food, games, singing and dancing I´m sure. For Christmas Eve Megan, our director, has invited a few of the boys from the shelter I work at over for a dinner. Some of the boys have no family to go home to over the holidays so we´re trying to make Christmas something fun for them too. I´m going to do my best to help cook a big dinner . . . I´ll let you know how that goes. And then on Tuesday we´re throwing a big Christmas party for our kids at Semillas. Again, more food (we´re making a birthday cake for baby Jesus) singing, dancing, and of course a good competitive game of soccer. It will be a great way to end the year with them as we head for vacation right after Christmas.
Although I am far away from family and friends right now which makes my heart ache just a bit, I must say it is nice to be away from all of the ridiculousness that surrounds Christmas in the states. We have decided as volunteers to not exchange presents this year amongst each other in an attempt to be closer in solidarity with our neighbors. Christmas is different here; on the one hand it is a time of joy and hope as we all remember how much God is present in our lives, but on the other hand this time of the year brings about so much stress. Families in our neighborhood cannot afford presents and some families even go into debt just to provide a special Christmas meal for their family. So, parents are stressed and frustrated, and tend to take this out on their kids. So lately, our kids at Semillas in particular have been more and more violent toward each other. Their lives at home are hard - they know what they can and cannot have and that is a tough thing for them to swallow. Presents are important to kids everywhere and it breaks my heart that these kids wont really get a whole lot if anything. So, our job has been to talk about Christmas in a different way. We´ve been talking a lot about Jesus and God to help them see what Christmas is really about. It´s reminded me too what this time of year means and it has been refreshing to remember.
In a few weeks we will be celebrating our five month anniversary of arriving in Ecuador. In some moments it feels just about right - I feel like Ive been doing this work and living this life here for that long. Other days though, I feel like I just got here --- Im pretty sure Ive said this before, but there is so much more to learn, STILL! I mean, first of all, the Spanish language still mangages to puzzle all of us, although I must say we have all improved tremendously. And there are still pieces of my life here that I am just beginning to understand. One of the biggest realizations Ive had here recently is the significance of me being a woman doing the work Im doing. Right, I feel like this is silly for me to write, especially to all of you who knew me in my past college life --- but it took me three months to really see how me being a woman made my work different. I find myself limited in a lot of ways - particularly as I work to gain the respect of the men and boys I work with. I have to be stronger than I would like, I have to be more intentional than ever with the attention I pay and the words I use, I have to fight for respect. But it doesnt always work out - I dont always get treated the way I would like or frankly the way I deserve. Sometimes the disrespect is subtle - a look, a comment that could be interpreted in a few different ways. And sometimes it is more blatant - a hug that just lasts for too long, pet names that are inappropriate for the workplace let alone to give a grown woman, cat calling in the street, plain old disregard. Ive had a few incidents here when I have been so utterly talked down to or degraded that I didnt even know what to do with myself. Its infuriating and hurtful even when you know that the guy Im talking to is a complete scum bag anyway. And the hardest thing for me to manuever is how I should react. I know what I would do in the states, but here I know that I would not be heard if I stood up for myself in the same way. That doesnt mean that I dont stand up for myself - but I hate that I cant or dont go with my gut and say everything that I want to. Its more than just self-control --- its sort of a survival technique and a cultural restraint. Im still deciding how best to handle myself in these situations and I will unfortunately have plenty of time and opportunities to fine tune my strategies. But, asi es la vida in Ecuador.
But the news isnt all so somber (right, you all must know how I get intense like this). I have recently been more involved in the women´s group in the neighborhood and sitting with that small group of neighbors working to do something to better this community is inspiring to say the least. It is with these women that I get my fix of strong women who hold their own and then some. We have started a few big projects that have some great promise to them. Im excited to see what we can accomplish.
Okay world, this is where I leave you. Thank you to all of our friends and families who have been sending mail and packages --- we are all doing a good job taking care of each other but it would be a lie to say that we dont miss you all. Keep the emails and letters coming. Monday is our mail day here and it is the best day of the week by far (I dont know if I will ever ´look forward to Mondays so much). I hope that you are finding love close to you this holiday season and that the new year finds you healthy, happy, and peaceful.
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